I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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