Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
