Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
