I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You're a waste of cheezeits
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize