So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
