Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
