He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
