the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
