I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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