I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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