i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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