My room smells like vodka and shame
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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