How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
