We're facebook friends in real life
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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