I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
