Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
