I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
