I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
