So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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