Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
