I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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