Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
