I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Mom said you looked used
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
