wake up i wanna do it froggy style
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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