If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
