i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
