she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
