moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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