Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
