Hey man sorry I got all grabby
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize