Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
