I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
