Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
