she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
