She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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