sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
