@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
