I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
