I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize