I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
