He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize