Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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