I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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