My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
