I think i peed on brittanys purse
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
