It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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