I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just had sex on a roof
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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