I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
