Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
