No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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