on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
