I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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