You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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