I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
