i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We just shotgunned beers for America
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
