If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
