six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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