i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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