A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
