walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
