You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
