i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
