My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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