why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize