This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
