Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize