Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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