actually, I'm a sock model
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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