My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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